A New Look to Cracked Rear Viewer

After blogging for close to two years, I’ve decided to change the site’s look. I’m using the WordPress Twenty Seventeen theme, which I think gives it a leaner, cleaner look. Archives and categories can be found on the right hand side by scrolling down, and to comment, just click on the post title. Change is good, right? What do you Cracked Rear Viewers think? Feedback is always welcome!

From the VHS Vault 2: THE VIOLENT YEARS (Headliner Productions 1956)

The drama continues: I received a call from FedEx about the status of my new DirecTV receiver (the old one being fried beyond repair) . The new box is now sitting in a warehouse, undeliverable because DIRECTV GAVE THEM THE WRONG ADDRESS!! You’d think after almost two years they’d have my address, right? Wrong! FedEx told me I have to call DirecTV and have them fix the address or drive an hour out of my way to pick it up myself. So I proceeded to call the corporate beast and was transferred to a woman who barely spoke English, gave her all my information, then was transferred to another woman who spoke even worse English and repeated the process all over again! After a half hour of this nonsense, I was then told I’d have to wait an additional 3-5 days before my new box arrives… hopefully at the right address! ARRRGGGGHH!!!!

Not wanting to keep you all waiting, I went back down into the dusty VHS vault to search for a movie, and came up with something interesting. Not necessarily good, mind you, but interesting. It’s THE VIOLENT YEARS, a 1956 “girl gang” drama in the style of HIGH SCHOOL HELLCATS.  The interesting part is this one was written by everyone’s favorite low-budget auteur, the one and only Edward D. Wood, Jr!   Ed isn’t in the director’s chair however, that honor goes to William Morgan, known for… well, not much. This is probably his best-known credit.

My copy of THE VIOLENT YEARS is a 1987 Rhino Video release, part of a series called “Teenage Theater” and hosted by the immortal Mamie Van Doren, who made quite a few of these “girls gone bad” flicks. “Teenage Theater” shed the spotlight on movies about (according to the goofy doo-wop theme song) “wigged out biker babes”, “slick chicks in chains”, “motorcycle madmen”, and “starlets starved for sex”. Mamie gives us some dope on the upcoming movie from a 50’s style soda shoppe, all dolled up in a polka-dot outfit. She was 57 at the time, and still looked pretty hot…

…and she ain’t half-bad today at 87! Anyway, after Mamie does her schtick, we get down to business with THE VIOLENT YEARS. It’s the sordid saga of Paula Parkins (former Playmate Jean Moorhead), whose parents are too busy (dad’s a newspaper editor, mom’s involved with various charities) to figure out 18-year-old Paula is the leader of a Gang of Four female delinquents responsible for a series of robberies in town. We see them in action as, masked with bandanas, they hold up a gas station, then attack a couple on Lover’s Lane, making the girl strip down to her lingerie (exploitation films gotta have a strip scene!), tie her up (exploitation films gotta have a bondage scene!), then take the young man into the woods and (it’s implied) force him to have a gangbang! How that works, I’m not quite sure.

Paula and her pals fence their ill-gotten goods with Sheila, who hires them to trash their school, telling Paula “don’t worry if a few flags get destroyed in the process. Let’s just say it’s part of a well-organized… foreign plan!” Commie bastards! But first, there the obligatory “wild party” scene, consisting of some booze, cigarette smoking, and heavy necking. Reporter Barney Stetson (one of Wood’s best character names!) drops by with Paula’s present, observes the wicked goings-on, and his spidey sense starts tingling. He ends up decking Paula’s date, a greasy reprobate who cleans his fingernails with a switchblade!

It’s now time for the gang to commence on their Commie-funded mission, and they get their kicks wrecking a classroom, but the noise has brought the cops. Paula and the gang then engage in a blazing shootout with the coppers, where two of them wind up dead, and Paula kills a cop! Taking it on the lam, they head to Sheila’s place, and when Paula tells her they offed a cop, Sheila threatens to call the police herself. So Paula, already a murderess, shoots Sheila. But the cops are on Paula’s trail, and a chase ensues in which Paula crashes into a plate-glass window, killing her last remaining friend. Now locked in the jail hospital ward, and pregnant to boot (from the gangbang?), Paula is sentenced to life in prison, and the neglectful parents are denied the right to adopt their granddaughter by Judge Clara, who in typical Wood fashion delivers not one, but two clunky soliloquies as only Ed Wood could write ’em!!

Mamie returns with a coda to end the tape, and we get the cheezy “Teenage Theater” theme once again. THE VIOLENT YEARS doesn’t have much star power, though Wood aficionados will recognize Timothy Farrell from GLEN OR GLENDA and JAIL BAIT. Western buffs will know I. Stanford Jolley as the judge; he usually wore a black hat as a B villain. Barney Stetson is played by Glen Corbett, not to be confused with Glenn Corbett, actor in HOMICIDAL and CHISUM. None of the acting is particularly good, anyway. Truthfully, beside the fact that Ed Wood wrote the script, there’s not a whole lot to recommend here. I pretty much enjoyed watching it backwards while rewinding the tape as I did watching it unfold properly, maybe more so. But hey, a film blogger’s gotta watch something!

From the VHS Vault: The Three Stooges in HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL (Columbia 1959)

My DirecTV receiver decided to fry itself the other day. A new one won’t be shipped for another five days – no TCM, no DVR’d movies, no Red Sox, no nothin’! What’s a film blogger to do? Since my DVD player isn’t working either, I thought I’d reach into my collection of VHS tapes and see what I could come up with for viewing. Hmm, let’s see… wait a sec, what’s this? An unopened copy of HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL, the Three Stooges  comeback starring feature! Good Lord, I haven’t seen this movie in years! The Stooges it is!

A little background first: after making shorts for Columbia since 1934, the studio dumped the trio when their contract ended in 1957. Television had killed the short subject market, and the boys were thrown out on their collective keisters. Ironically, it was television that revived their career when the Stooges shorts were released to TV a year later, and a whole new generation fell in love with their physical slapstick brand of humor. Moe Howard and Larry Fine recruited burlesque comic Joe DeRita (who had his own series of Columbia shorts in the 40’s) to replace Joe Besser. DeRita was a better fit than Besser anyway, and his resemblance to Curly Howard (always the most popular Stooge) led to him being dubbed Curly Joe. The reconfigured Stooges toured successfully, and Columbia came crawling back to star them in a feature film titled HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL.

HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL isn’t vintage Stooges, but it’s not half bad, either. The Stooges are bumbling janitors at the “National Space Foundation” who are accidentally locked in a rocket ship and blast-off for Venus, encountering a giant fire-breathing tarantula, a talking unicorn, and a robot super-computer who shrinks them to mouse-size and makes android clones of them. They return to Earth as heroes, are given a ticker-tape parade and a gala celebration, a distinguished affair that devolves into a slap-happy donnybrook. The whole thing gives them an excuse to trot some of their old schtick like the “plumbing” gag, the “chased through multiple doors” gag, and the “couch-spring-stuck-in-the-rear-end” gag. They even get to exercise their tonsils, breaking into song about halfway through, a ditty called… what else, “Have Rocket, Will Travel”!

The Stooges are a bit more kinder and gentler here, older but definitely not wiser. The familiar eye pokes, hair-pulling, and face slapping are still around, as are the familiar sound effects, and Moe still hurls insults at his partners (at one point calling Curly Joe “ya baby hippopotamus”). Robert Colbert (later of TV’s THE TIME TUNNEL) and Anna-Lisa provide the romance, while veteran character actor Jerome Cowan takes his lumps as the Stooges’ foil, head of the space foundation. HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL was aimed directly at their new juvenile audience and is ultra low-budget, with cheezy special effects and cardboard sets, but fans of the boys will enjoy revisiting their antics. I know I sure did!

Cleaning Out the DVR Pt 12: Too Much Crime On My Hands

And too many crime films in my DVR, so it’s time for another housecleaning! This edition of “Cleaning Out the DVR” features bank robbers, thieves, murderers, and other assorted no-goodniks in films from the 30’s to the 70’s. Here we go:

PRIVATE DETECTIVE (Warner Bros 1939; D: Noel Smith) Girl gumshoe Jane Wyman (named “Jinx”!) solves the murder of a divorced socialite embroiled in a child custody case, to the consternation of her cop fiancé Dick Foran. Maxie Rosenbloom plays his usual good-natured lug role as Foran’s partner. The kind of movie for which the term “programmer” was coined, furiously paced and clocking in at a swift 55 minutes. No wonder they talk so fast! Fun Fact: The Warner Brothers Stock Company is well represented with Familiar Faces Willie Best, Morgan Conway, Joseph Crehan, Gloria Dickson, John Eldredge, Leo Gorcey , John Ridgley, and Maris Wrixon all packed into it. What, no Bess Flowers?

HOLLOW TRIUMPH (Eagle-Lion 1948; D:Steve Sekely) This one used to be shown frequently on my local cable access channel from a murky public domain print; TCM aired a nice, crisp copy back in January. Thanks, TCM! Star Paul Henreid (who also produced) plays an unrepentant ex-con who, upon release from stir, holds up a mob-connected gambling joint. Now hunted by the gangsters, he takes it on the lam, murdering a lookalike psychologist and stealing his identity. In true noir fashion, things go steadily downhill from there. Noir Queen Joan Bennett  plays the shrink’s secretary/mistress, who falls for the crook. Heel Henreid is certainly no Victor Laszlo in this one! Director Sekely is on point (check out his REVENGE OF THE ZOMBIES sometime!), and DP John Alton’s shadowy shots make this an effective B thriller. A personal favorite! Fun Fact: Look quick for young Jack Webb as one of the hoods.

DIAL 1119 (MGM 1950; D:Gerald Mayer) Escapee from State Mental Hospital for the Criminally Insane holds the patrons of the dingy Oasis Bar at gunpoint, demanding to see the police shrink who got him convicted. Marshall Thompson makes a convincing psych-killer, and he’s ably supported by a strong cast (Sam Levene, Virginia Field, Leon Ames, Andrea King, Keefe Brasselle). William Conrad is killed off early as the dour bartender “Chuckles”. Worth a look for the cast and some adult-themed subject matter. Fun Fact: This was director Mayer’s first feature, which probably made his uncle, studio boss Louis B. Mayer, proud.

THEY CAME TO ROB LAS VEGAS (Warner Bros 1969; D: Antonio Isasi) This US-Spanish coproduced crime caper is totally underrated and totally fun, with a cool 60’s vibe to it. Gary Lockwood (2001: A SPACE ODDYSEY) stars as a Vegas blackjack dealer who plots to steal one of security expert Lee J. Cobb’s hi-tech armored cars, with inside help from sexy Elke Sommer, as revenge for his brother’s death. Jack Palance is also on hand as a Treasury agent investigating Cobb’s shady connections. There’s some nifty twists and turns along the way, and great location footage of the Vegas strip in it’s heyday. It’s as if Sergio Leone decided to make a caper movie, and is highly recommended! Fun Fact: Jean Servais, who starred in the classic French caper film RIFIFI, has the small but pivotal role of Lockwood’s brother.

BUNNY O’HARE (AIP 1971; D: Gerd Osawld) Bette Davis, left homeless when the bank forecloses on her house, teams up with dimwit fugitive Ernest Borgnine to rob banks disguised as hippies, making their escape on a motorcycle. It’s as silly as it sounds, with the two stars trapped by a lame script that seemed outdated when it was made, and non-existent direction by Oswald (who also helmed the dire AGENT FOR H.A.R.M.). Ernie mugs shamelessly throughout, while Miss Davis sued the studio after it was released, claiming the re-edit wasn’t what she signed up for, and hazardous to her career. When you hear her spout the line “I’ll open ya up like a can a’tomata soup”, you’ll probably agree! Some good character actors pop up (Jack Cassidy, John Astin, Jay Robinson, Bruno VeSota), but this mess is for Davis completists only. Fun Fact: Bette and Ernie did much better with their first film together, 1956’s THE  CATERED AFFAIR, written by Gore Vidal and directed by Richard Brooks, adapted from a TV play by Paddy Chayefsky.

Enjoy the “Cleaning Out the DVR” series:

  1. Five Films From Five Decades
  2. Five Films From Five Decades 2
  3. Those Swingin’ Sixties
  4. B-Movie Roundup
  5. Fabulous 40’s Sleuths
  6. All-Star Horror Edition!
  7. Film Noir Festival
  8. All-Star Comedy Break
  9. Film Noir Festival Redux
  10. Halloween Leftovers
  11. Five from the Fifties

Happy Easter! And Happy Birthday to Some Famous Stars!

Today is Easter Sunday, a time for reflection and renewal for those in the Christian faith celebrating the resurrection of Jesus. It’s a time for family dinners and Easter egg hunts, but this year Easter also falls on the birthday of some classic film and pop culture stars.

It’s the birthday of one of the most famous and influential figures in movie history, Charlie Chaplin…

and the marvelous Peter Ustinov…

Three Stooges leading lady Christine MacIntyre…

A CHRISTMAS STORY star Peter Billingsley…

actress/singer Edie Adams…

British Invasion pop star Dusty Springfield…

Bowery Boy and perennial movie messenger boy Billy Benedict…

F TROOP’s “Wrangler Jane” Melody Patterson…

wrestling superstar George “The Animal” Steele…

New England Patriots head coach Bill Bellichick…

Oh yeah, and me, your humble Cracked Rear Viewer! Enjoy your Easter celebration, and happy birthday to all that share this birthday date with me.

Flesh & Blood: Marilyn Chambers in RABID (New World 1977)

Once upon a time, there was a pretty young actress named Marilyn Chambers. She had a fresh, wholesome quality about her, and did some bits parts and modeling gigs. One was as the decent young mom holding her pride and joy baby on the box of Ivory Snow, the detergent that claimed it was 99 1/4% pure. But no acting jobs were forthcoming, so Marilyn found herself in a porn flick called BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR, which became a sensation…

… as did young Marilyn, though she longed to be taken as a serious actress in mainstream films.

Around the same time, there was a young Canadian director named David Cronenberg. He was making a name for himself in the horror field with films like CRIMES OF THE FUTURE (1970) and SHIVERS (1975)…

… but though a few critics admired his work, most dismissed him as just another Grindhouse hack. For young David’s movies were of the “body horror” school, filled with gore, grossness, and a lot of sex, not to mention a very low budget. He had an idea for a movie titled RABID, and wanted to cast Sissy Spacek, fresh off her lead in CARRIE, in the starring role. But the producers balked at casting Sissy and her Texas accent in a Canadian film, so young David searched far and wide, finally choosing young Marilyn as his nominal star. Marilyn was grateful to finally have the lead in a mainstream film, and they lived happily ever after.

Well, not really. Cronenberg went on to THE DEAD ZONE, THE FLY remake, A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE, and a great career, while Marilyn went back to porn with 1980’s INSATIABLE and other hard-and-softcore delights before her way-too-early death in 2009 at age 57. RABID shows she could act, if not on a par with Hepburn or Meryl Streep. Still, she was more than competent in this creepy little thriller as Rose, who’s involved in an horrific motorcycle crash with her boyfriend Hart (Frank Moore). Fortunately (or unfortunately, as it turns out), the accident occurs near the Keloid Clinic for Plastic Surgery. Rose is put back together using an experimental method of skin grafting, resulting in her growing a monstrous blood-sucking appendage in her arm pit (which pops out of what suspiciously looks like a certain part of the female anatomy!).

Rose begins infecting people with a mysterious virus that turns it’s victims into mouth-foaming, blood-lusting maniacs. Soon the entire city of Montreal is under siege by the zombie-like creatures, and martial law is declared with orders of shoot to kill. Oh, Canada! Rose continues infecting people, including an iconic scene where she enter a porn theater and is hit on by a leisure-suited perv. Bad idea, perv! (The film playing is called MODELS FOR PLEASURE, and I’m unsure if it’s a real movie or not. I can’t find any info on it… any readers out there heard of it?) When Rose leaves the theater, she walks past another movie palace. The film showing there? CARRIE!

RABID showcases Cronenberg’s trademark black humor, as well as his penchant for gruesomeness. It also features a good turn by character actor Joe Silver as the sympathetic business partner of Dr. Keloid (Howard Ryshpan, who also ends up infected in a wild operating room scene). The film helped put David Cronenberg on the map, due in large part to the novelty of having Marilyn Chambers in a straight role (though she does have her share of topless scenes, praise Jesus!). Any fans of David Cronenberg, the lovely Miss Chambers, or good ol’ 70’s Grindhouse gore will be more than satiated by viewing RABID.

From the Vaults: THE LIVING CHRIST SERIES- CRUCIFIXION & RESURRECTION (Cathedral Films 1951)

Not all religious-based films are Hollywood epics. In 1951, an outfit named Cathedral Films, determined to create inspirational movies for the masses, made a 12-part series titled THE LIVING CHRIST SERIES, each about a half hour in length. Part 12 covers the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ, played by Robert Wilson. There are a couple actors you my recognize, but most you won’t. The narrator is Art Gilmore, voice of a thousand classic trailers. In honor of Good Friday, here’s a blast from filmmaking of the past, CRUCIFXION AND RESURRECTION: