Halloween Havoc!: QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE (Allied Artists 1958)

QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE has quite an interesting pedigree. Screenwriter Charles Beaumont (THE TWILIGHT ZONE) adapted a story by Ben Hecht, of all people, then director Edward Bernds got his frequent Three Stooges/Bowery Boys collaborator Ellwood Ullman to punch things up a little. The resulting mishmash is a huge contender in the “so-bad-it’s-good” sweepstakes, a sci-fi schlockfest featuring goofy special effects, sexism, and Zsa Zsa Gabor!

The movie’s right up there with PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE  in its cheesiness, except in glorious Technicolor. Set in a futuristic 1985, space Captain Neil Patterson (Eric Fleming, RAWHIDE’s trail boss) and his intrepid crew (Dave Willock, Patrick Waltz) are assigned to shuttle Professor Konrad (sci-fi stalwart Paul Birch) to Space Station A, where there’re “indications of some trouble up there”. Off they go into the wild blue yonder, where they witness the station being blown to smithereens by a mysterious ray (via cartoon animation), then are pulled by a mysterious force to crash-land on Venus! How do they know it’s Venus? Because Konrad takes a look at some leaves and pronounces it so, that’s how!

The crew (wearing leftover space suits from FORBIDDEN PLANET ), are captured by a gaggle of beautiful Amazonian Venusians, who all speak perfect English. They’re taken to the palace of masked Queen Ylana (Laurie Mitchell), who has wiped out all men on Venus save for a handful of scientists living in exile on a satellite to do her bidding. Ylana believes them to be spies and imprisons them while she makes plans for a counterstrike. She sends for Patterson to be taken to her boudoir, where they share space cocktails for two. Ylana tries to seduce him, and almost succeeds, until Patterson rips off her mask to reveal her horribly disfigured face due to atomic radiation. “Men did this to me”, she says, “men and their wars”,  which explains why she hates men so much- the woman’s downright ugly (in a pretty decent makeup job by Emile LaVigne).

Having rejected Ylana (and who can blame him!), Patterson’s sent back to his men, who’re taken by some rebel girls to the lab of scientist Talleah (Zsa Zsa, who’s NEVER spoken perfect English!). Talleah tells the Earthlings that Ylana plans to destroy Earth in two days by means of a beta disintegrator ray. They all escape and search for the weapon of mass destruction and the girls, horny after being deprived of men for so long, engage in a  make-out session with the guys inside a cave (except poor Konrad, who goes to gather firewood). After an attack by a silly looking space spider that resembles a child’s plush doll, Konrad warns them an Amazon patrol is outside. Talleah and her girls pretend they’ve captured the men in order to gain access to Ylana’s death ray.

Queen Ylana is captured by the gang, and Talleah disguises herself as Ylana to give the order to stop the destruction of Earth. Ylana breaks free and recaptures everybody, then forces them all to watch as Earth is about to be zapped to kingdom come. But Talleah’s rebels have sabotaged the death ray, causing Ylana herself to be disintegrated. The rebels take power, and are sad to see the Earthmen go. But a communication from Earth tells Patterson and his crew not to fly home in their battered spaceship, they’ll send a rescue mission that’ll take about a year or so. The men rejoice as they realize they’re about to spend a year on a planet filled with sex-starved, beautiful Amazon women!

 

Yes, it’s sexist and nonsense and pretty bad, but not PHYNX-like   bad, more like a third season episode of STAR TREK  bad. It’s certainly fun, especially to watch the camera linger lovingly on all that female pulchritude. Oh yes, DP William Whitley knew EXACTLY what he was doing, and the result is a voyeur’s dream. Among the Amazons, you’ll spot 50’s babes like Lisa Davis, Barbara Darrow, Marilyn Buferd  , and Mary Ford (Mrs. Les Paul), all minor actresses who dressed up many a low-budget flick. There’s even an uncredited bit from sexy Joi Lansing  as the girl making out with Waltz’s character before they fly into space.

Marlin Skiles’ score isn’t bad, featuring some weird instrumentation, using that 50’s sci-fi standard the theremin as well as xylophones and even a harpsichord! The sets and art direction do the best they can with a limited budget, but the special effects are just plain ludicrous. QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE won’t tax your brain, and isn’t (to be honest) very good, but if you’re in the right mood, it’s goofy enough to entertain you this Halloween season. Especially if you’re a guy, and feel like spending 80 minutes ogling hot 50’s sci-fi Amazonian babes! Just ask Commander Trump:

“Will ya quit gropin’ me, ya big ape!”