You’re Killing Me, Smalls!: Let’s Play in THE SANDLOT (20th Century-Fox 1993)


Baseball movies are as American as apple pie, and everyone has their favorites, from classic era films like THE PRIDE OF THE YANKEES and TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME to latter-day fare like THE NATURAL and FIELD OF DREAMS. There’s so much to choose from, comedies, dramas, and everything in-between. One of my all-time favorites is 1993’s coming of age classic, THE SANDLOT.

Like most baseball movies, THE SANDLOT is about more than just The Great American Pastime. Director David Mickey Evans’ script (co-written with Robert Gunter) takes us back to 1962, as young Scotty Smalls has moved to a brand new neighborhood in a brand new city. His dad died, and his mom (Karen Allen of NATIONAL LAMPOON’S ANIMAL HOUSE fame) has remarried preoccupied Bill (young comedian Denis Leary…. hmmm, I wonder what ever happened to him??), who tries to teach the nerdy kid how to play catch. “Keep your eye on the ball”, Bill tells Scotty, and he does – resulting in a shiner!

The kids on the block take an immediate dislike to goofus Smalls (“The kid’s an L-7… a weenie!”). Why, he doesn’t even know who The Great Bambino was!! Benny, the best ballplayer in the neighborhood, feels sorry for Smalls and takes him under his wing. They all warn him of The Legend of The Beast, a ferocious Great Mastiff junkyard dog who resides on the other side of the sandlot’s fence and eats any baseballs that come his way… and kids, too! One fine day, Benny literally “tears the cover off the ball”, so Smalls runs home to fetch a replacement – an autographed Babe Ruth ball from Bill’s trophy room! Needless to say, Smalls’ first home run winds up in The Beast’s possession, and a mad scramble is on to retrieve it before Bill comes home…

THE SANDLOT is an exercise in nostalgia, all about friendship and childhood dreams, and also happens to be uproariously funny! There’s so much to love about this film, and I especially love the scene at the community pool when ‘Squints’ has his big moment in the sun with neighborhood hottie Wendy Peffercorn, played by Marley Shelton, later of PLEASANTVILLE, SIN CITY, GRINDHOUSE (the Robert Rodriguez half PLANET TERROR) and GRAND THEFT PARSONS. Then there’s the kids learning a valuable lesson: carnival rides like the Tilt-A-Whirl and chewing tobacco don’t mix! The boys trading insults with a rival, well-heeled team about eating toejam and bobbing for apples in toilets ends with ‘Ham’ hurling the biggest insult of all: “You play like a girl!!” (Gasp!!!).

There’s a neat cameo at the end by James Earl Jones (who knew a thing or two about baseball flicks!) as junkyard owner Mr. Mertle, and like it’s spiritual predecessor AMERICAN GRAFFITI , the soundtrack’s loaded with classic rock tunes of the era by Booker T & The MG’s (“Green Onions”), Hank Ballard & The Midnighters (“Finger Poppin’ Time”), The Champs (“Tequila”), The Drifters (“There Goes My Baby”, “This Magic Moment”), The Surfaris (“Wipeout”) , and The Tokens (“The Lion Sleeps Tonight”). THE SANDLOT is a true summertime classic, one I could watch over and over again… in fact, I think I’ll go watch it now! As for the rest of you, since I’m still reelin’ and rockin’ from the John Fogerty concert I attended a few days ago, I’ll leave you with John’s classic ode to baseball from 1985, “Centerfield”:

  “Let’s play two!” – Ernie Banks

“You’re killing me, Smalls!” – Ham Porter

Halloween Havoc!: FRANKENHOOKER (SGE 1990)

Wanna have a good time? Got any money? Then go pick up FRANKENHOOKER, Frank Henenlotter’s tacky tale of terror that sets Mary Shelley’s classic novel on its severed head and features an explosive (literally)  combination of the goofy and the gruesome, with plenty of black comedy  strewn among the body parts.

Jeffrey Franken’s fiancé Elizabeth Shelley is killed when the remote control lawnmower he invents runs her down, turning her into “one big jigsaw puzzle”. Saving Elizabeth’s head, Jeffrey vows to rebuild, probably after watching too many reruns of THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN. Seems our boy, who’s a med school dropout now working for New Jersey Gas & Electric, likes to tinker around with mad science, as evidenced by the floating brain with one eyeball he keeps in a fish tank. His grand scheme involves rounding up hookers and getting them loaded on his latest invention, a deadly lethal form of “super crack”!

But Jeffrey’s rock candy causes the ho’s to explode all over the room, so he gathers up the goods in a garbage bag, bringing them to his secret lab, located in his mother’s suburban garage. A fierce electrical storm is brewing, and Jeffrey quickly cobbles together the sexiest parts to revive his lady-love. Elizabeth returns from the dead, but carries memories of the deceased whores, becoming a freakish Frankenhooker. She shambles back to her old stomping grounds of Times Square, with Jeffrey in hot pursuit. Little does he know Zorro, the ho’s pimp, is on the prowl, and wants his hookers back…

FRANKENHOOKER is off-the-wall exploitation fun, with cult director Henenlotter in top form. The man behind such oddities as BASKET CASE and BRAIN DAMAGE, Henenlotter’s bizarre Grindhouse-inspired film is loaded with gore, nudity, and a warped sense of humor sure to please even the most jaded of horror fans. His script, co-written with former FANGORIA editor Robert Martin, is chock full of lunatic bits like the aforementioned floating brain and Jeffrey’s penchant for drilling holes in his frontal lobe to calm himself down.

James Lorinz spends a lot of screen time alone, and delivers a fine performance as the cracked weirdo Jeffrey. Former Penthouse Pet of the Year Patty Mullen channels Elsa Lanchester’s mannerisms as Elizabeth/Frankenhooker. There are cameos from cult icons ranging from TV horror host Zacherley (as a ghoulish TV weatherman) to Shirley Stoler (THE HONEYMOON KILLERS) to MARY HARTMAN’s Louise Lasser as Jeffrey’s mom. The hookers are all straight from the pages of PLAYBOY and PENTHOUSE magazines, and are appropriately slutty. FRANKENHOOKER makes for outrageously fun viewing this Halloween season… just be sure you put the kiddos to bed before watching!