New Recipe: HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI (AIP 1965)

HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI, the sixth entry in American-International’s “Beach Party” series, attempts to breathe new life into the tried-and-true  formula of sun, sand, surf, songs, and corny jokes. Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello are still around as Frankie and Dee Dee, but in this go-round they’re separated; he’s in the Navy stationed on the tropical island of Goona-Goona, while Annette has to contend with the romantic enticements of Dwayne Hickman .

Frankie’s part amounts to a cameo, enlisting local witch doctor Buster Keaton (!!) to keep those girl-hungry beach bums away from Dee Dee (while he frolics unfettered with lovely Irene Tsu !). Keaton’s magic ain’t what it used to be, so he has his daughter conjure up a knockout named Cassandra, who first appears on the beach as an animated bikini. All the boys go ga-ga for Cassandra, including a go-go ad man named Peachy Keane, who wants to promote her and Hickman as the ‘Boy and Girl Next Door’ in a series of ads for a motorcycle. And where there’s “sicles”, there’s Erich Von Zipper, who “adores” the stunning Cassandra and wants to enter the cross-country motorcycle race with her against Hickman and Dee Dee to win the coveted ‘Boy and Girl Next Door’ titles… even going as far as changing his image from black leather clad hood to button-down Madison Avenue man!

The movie’s a mash-up of beach party silliness and HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING, playing more like a traditional musical instead of a rock’n’roll dance party. In fact, the only rock ‘guest act’ in this one are The Kingsmen (of “Louie, Louie” fame), who get one song during a nightclub scene. Substantial time is given to the Madison Avenue Madmen, led by Mickey Rooney as Peachy, who mugs his way through the part in his own inimitable style, and even gets to sing a couple of numbers. Rooney’s boss is veteran Brian Donlevy as B.D. “Big Deal” McPherson, getting a chance to play a comic role for a change, and he’s fun to watch. Harvey Lembeck does his own mugging once again as Von Zipper, while comedian Len Lesser replaces Timothy Carey as ‘North Dakota Slim’s’ even meaner brother, ‘South Dakota Pete’.

Annette’s more covered up than usual, due to the fact she was pregnant during the film’s shoot. The producers got pretty creative hiding her bulge, even using a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken at one point – how’s that for product placement! Beverly Adams , the future Mrs. Vidal Sassoon, makes a sexy (if extremely klutzy) Cassandra. Regulars Bobbi Shaw (as Keaton’s assistant Khola Koku), Alberta Nelson, Andy Romano, Michael Nader, and Marianne Gaba are on hand, and reportedly Beach Boy Brian Wilson is in the movie as… well, a beach boy! And there’s a cameo appearance at the end by everyone’s favorite TV witch as Keaton’s daughter:

Yep, Elizabeth Montgomery, star of BEWITCHED and then-wife of director William Asher! The slapstick cross-country race shows signs of Keaton’s handiwork; alas, this was his last in the franchise. The formula had worn pretty thin by this point, and the next ‘Beach’ movie, GHOST IN THE INVISIBLE BIKINI, didn’t even feature Frankie and Annette, and is a disappointing end to the series. HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI is a game try to resuscitate the franchise, but failed to keep the ‘Beach Party’ money machine running.  Frankie and Annette went on to star in a racing drama, 1966’s FIREBALL 500, but fans would have to wait thirty years to see them get back to the beach… in 1987’s aptly titled BACK TO THE BEACH!

Drive-In Saturday Night: DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE (AIP 1965) & DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE GIRL BOMBS (AIP 1966)

American-International Pictures, never ones to shy away from jumping on a trend, released a pair of secret agent spoofs starring the one and only Vincent Price as the evil supervillain Dr. Goldfoot. AIP president James H. Nicholson himself allegedly came up with the story, wanting to use the film as a showcase for wife Susan Hart, a beautiful woman of limited talent. The first was DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE, an endearingly goofy little movie co-starring SKI PARTY’s Frankie Avalon and Dwayne Hickman. The two even use the same character names from that previous film, Tod Armstrong and Craig Gamble – only reversed, with Frankie as Craig and Dwayne as Tod!

Mad scientist Goldfoot, an obvious cross between James Bond nemeses Dr. No and Goldfinger, is Price at his campy best, carving up large slices of ham as the malevolent meanie. His fiendish plot is creating an army of indestructible female robots in gold bikinis to entice the world’s richest men, then having the alluring  androids steal all their money. Into this scenario comes Craig (Avalon), an inept secret agent working for SIC (Secret Intelligence Command), who is accidentally targeted by Hart’s sexy cyborg Diane. Craig goes ga-ga over Diane, and when Goldfoot recalls her to get at filthy rich Tod (Hickman), he desperately searches for his artificial object of desire.

The movie’s so corny, full of wheezy jokes and slapstick sight gags you can see coming a mile away,  you can’t help but laugh. That’s because the screenplay’s courtesy of Three Stooges/Bowery Boys veteran Elwood Ullman, who did a rewrite of Robert Kaufman’s original script. Besides the spy spoof angle, the film lampoons Price’s Edgar Allen Poe films with portraits of Goldfoot’s ancestors resembling Price’s characters (Roderick Usher, Verdon Fell) and a scene with Hickman strapped under a swinging blade that uses stock footage from THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM!

Fred Clark plays the SIC chief, who is also Craig’s uncle, which explains how the nebbish got the job. TV actor Jack Mullaney (THE ANN SOUTHERN SHOW, IT’S ABOUT TIME) is Goldfoot’s bumbling assistant Igor, and among the fembots you’ll find 60’s starlets Marianne Gaba, Luree Holmes, Deanna Lund (LAND OF THE GIANTS), Pamela Rodgers (LAUGH-IN), and Salli Sachse. There are cameos from ‘Beach Party’ vets Aron Kincaid, Harvey Lembeck (as Eric Von Zipper!), Alberta Nelson, Deborah Walley, and a certain ex-Mousketeer pictured above. Norman Taurog, who won an Oscar for 1930’s SKIPPY and became a comedy specialist, handles the direction, such as it is.

 

The next entry, 1966’s DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE GIRL BOMBS, was directed by… Mario Bava ?!? That’s right, the Italian horror/giallo maestro took over the reigns on this Italian coproduction, mainly because he was under contract to producer Fulvio Lucisano at the time. Bava reportedly hated the film, and I for one don’t blame him… although the first was a good-natured romp, GIRL BOMBS is, well, a bomb!

Price is back as the dastardly doctor, this time churning out killer robots who explode when kissing. He looses them on the generals of NATO gathered for war maneuvers, with the evil intent of dropping the H-Bomb on Moscow, pitting the Ruskies against the good ol’ USA in hopes the two superpowers with destroy each other, then he can split the world with his allies Red China! Price constantly breaks the Forth Wall, giving the audience plot exposition, and some silly asides. Reportedly, Vinnie didn’t like the sequel either, but at least he got a nice Italian vacation for his troubles!

SIC is still out to stop Goldfoot, only instead of Frankie Avalon we get another ex-teen idol, Fabian, who’s just as inept and a real “Hound Dog Man” with SIC secretary Laura Antonelli (VENUS IN FURS, A MAN CALLED SLEDGE). We also get the unfunny Franco and Ciccio, the world’s worst comedy team, who annoy the crap out of me. These two paisans don’t translate well into American humor (the bad dubbing doesn’t help), though they were hugely popular in Italy. To me, they just suck.     

The “hilarious” ending consists of a chase through a kiddie amusement park, a runaway hot air balloon, and… *sigh* why am I wasting words? Sorry, folks, but it’s just not worth it. The first Dr. Goldfoot movie has a silly if sophomoric vibe, spoofing the James Bond craze, teen flicks, and pretty much American-International itself. The sequel is only for masochists and/or Price completists; otherwise avoid it at all costs!

 

Queen of the Outlaws: CAT BALLOU (Columbia 1965)

Lee Marvin  didn’t get many chances to show his comedic side; in fact, I can only think of two off the top of my head: the John Wayne/John Ford outing DONOVAN’S REEF (1963) and the 1976 spoof THE GREAT SCOUT AND CATHOUSE THURSDAY (I’ll be charitably silent about 1969’s PAINT YOUR WAGON!).  Then there’s the comedy western CAT BALLOU, for which Marvin won an Oscar in the dual roles of drunken, broken down outlaw Kid Shelleen and hired killer Tim Strawn. Marvin’s marvelous, but if the truth be told, it wasn’t much of a stretch for Marvin to play a hard drinker and a macho tough guy… there’s a little bit of Lee in both personas!

We know we’re in for a good time right off the get-go when the fabled Columbia Torch Lady morphs into an animated, six-gun packin’ cowgirl, a sure sign not to take things too seriously. CAT BALLOU concerns prim young Catherine Ballou returning to Wolf City, Wyoming to become a schoolteacher only to find her father’s ranch being threatened by the railroad company. When her father is killed at the hand of silver-nosed Strawn, Cat seeks revenge on the railroad along with her compatriots Clay Boone, a cowardly cattle rustler who’s hot for Cat, Clay’s Uncle Jed, who passes himself off as a man of the cloth, and ranch hand Jackson Two Bears. Cat hires a gunslinger of her own, the notorious Kid Shelleen, whom she’s read about in dime novels. What she gets is a broken-down drunk who literally can’t hit the side of a barn without a few belts in him!

Cat and company ride out to the infamous Hole in the Wall to meet the fearsome Butch Cassidy, who’s not so fearsome any longer… Cassidy and his gang are all old and decrepit now! But Cat’s determined to avenge her father’s death, starting by pulling off a daring train robbery. Then it’s on to railroad boss Sir Harry Percival, where she disguises herself as a hooker named ‘Trixie’, and winds up accidentally shooting the lustful old codger, arrested for murder, and sentenced to hang…

Marvin first appears rolling out the back of a stagecoach, and proceeds to steal the show with his comic antics. He’s half in the bag most of the time, but my favorite scene occurs when Shelleen tries to sober up and get back in shape for a showdown with Strawn, assisted by Two Bears. He takes a bath for the first time in years, then is strapped into a corset and dons his old gunfighter clothing and pearl-handled Colts ready to do battle with the enemy. The fact that Marvin plays both Shelleen and Strawn means that Lee Marvin actually ends up gunning down himself! The Academy should’ve given Lee two Oscars for that!

Jane Fonda  stars as Cat, who goes from wide-eyed innocent to outlaw queen. The movie was made during Jane’s formative film years, and the surprise hit did a lot to boost her stock as an actress to be reckoned with in the future. Jane fits right in with the Western milieu, as befits the daughter of oater favorite Henry Fonda . Michael Callan (Clay) and Dwayne Hickman (Jed) get their best screen roles in this one, and Tom Nardini (Two Bears) is a favorite of mine from AIP exploitation fare like THE YOUNG SAVAGES and THE DEVIL’S 8. John Marley plays Cat’s dad, Reginald Denny is villainous Sir Harry, and sagebrush vets Bruce Cabot , Arthur Hunnicut (as Butch Cassidy), Jay C. Flippen , and Burt Mustin appear in small roles.

One fun aspect of CAT BALLOU is the presence of Nat King Cole and Stubby Kaye as wandering minstrels acting as a Greek chorus throughout the film. If Cole’s velvet voice sounds a bit gruffer than usual, it’s because he was suffering from the lung cancer that eventually killed him, four months before the movie was released. The pair stroll along singing “The Ballad of Cat Ballou”, written for the film by Mack David and Jerry Livingston, which also earned the film an Oscar nomination. Frank DeVol’s score, Chris Nelson’s editing, and the screenplay by Walter Newman and Frank Pierson were nominated, as well. Director Elliot Silverstein marks his feature debut; he would go on to helm only five others, including the Richard Harris Western A MAN CALLED HORSE. Straddling the fence between comedy and Western can be tough, and most are played too broadly, but in CAT BALLOU Silverstein and his game cast (especially Marvin) and crew make it work, and it’s one of the genre’s best. This CAT is sleek entertainment, and a whole lot of fun!

 

Rockin’ in the Film World #14: SKI PARTY (AIP 1965)

American-International Pictures takes the “Beach Party ” concept to the slopes in 1965’s SKI PARTY, an endearingly goofy ball of fluff headlining Frankie Avalon, Dwayne Hickman, Deborah Walley , and a pre-‘Batgirl’ Yvonne Craig . It sells itself with a sly wink to the audience that says, “We know the whole thing’s absurd, and we don’t care”! Besides the off-the-wall comedy, the film features above average musical interludes by guests Lesley Gore and the Godfather of Soul himself, James Brown.

Frankie and Dwayne play a pair of slightly overage college students (Avalon was 25, Hickman 31!) trying to woo Deborah and Yvonne. The two knuckleheads can’t figure out why they can’t get to first base, while college Romeo Aron Kincaid scores with every babe on campus. When the whole gang (including Beach movie regulars Luree Holmes, Michael Nader, Salli Sachsee , and surfing champ Mickey Dora) go on a skiing vacation during mid-term break, Frankie and Dwayne disguise themselves as British birds “Jane” and “Dora” in an attempt to learn the secret to achieving paradise by the dashboard lights!

Avalon and Hickman make SOME LIKE IT HOT’s Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon look like a couple of Playmates, but that doesn’t stop Kincaid from falling madly in love with “Dora”! ‘Beach’ girl Bobbi Shaw plays a sexy Swedish ski instructor (“Yah, yah”) who Frankie seduces to make Deborah jealous, with  him entering a ski jump contest even though he can’t ski! His brilliant idea is to jump in a helium-inflated suit, with disastrous results. Funnyman Robert Q. Lewis is on hand as the screwball ski lodge director, and a yodeling polar bear keeps popping up for no reason except to add even more surrealism to the story. If you’re wondering where Annette is, she has a cameo in the beginning as a college biology professor (!!), and the ubiquitous Dick Miller appears towards the end as a cab driver.

SKI PARTY was the first feature film for director Alan Rafkin, whose TV resume reads like a Sitcom Hall of Fame. Just a small sampling: MY FAVORITE MARTIAN, THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW, THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW (27 episodes), GET SMART, THE ODD COUPLE, THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW , THE BOB NEWHART SHOW, SANFORD & SON , M*A*S*H, LAVERNE & SHIRLEY, IT’S GARRY SHANDLING’S SHOW, COACH (87 episodes), and SUDDENLY SUSAN. Rafkin’s also responsible for a pair of Don Knotts movies, THE GHOST & MR. CHICKEN and THE SHAKIEST GUN IN THE WEST.

Also making his first movie straight from the TV ranks was screenwriter Robert Kaufman. Kaufman fared better in his film career, writing the DR. GOLDFOOT spy spoofs starring Vincent Price , DIVORCE AMERICAN STYLE, FREEBIE AND THE BEAN, THE HAPPY HOOKER GOES TO WASHINGTON, the vampire comedy LOVE AT FIRST BITE, and HOW TO BEAT THE HIGH CO$T OF LIVING. His script finds Avalon and Hickman frequently breaking the Fourth Wall, along with a slew of slapstick hijinks (and you all know how much I love slapstick hijinks!).

As I said before, the music is solid 60’s gold, with Lesley Gore doing her big hit “Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows”:

The whole things ends up on the beach (where else?) with The Hondells doing a couple of surf numbers. The four main stars get a few decent rocking tunes to sing, but the highlight comes when James Brown and The Famous Flames, playing the resort’s ski patrol, perform the smash “(I Got You) I Feel Good”. And on that note, take us home, James:

More “Rockin’ in the Film World”:

ROCK AROUND THE CLOCK

THE BLUES ACCORDIN’ TO LIGHTNIN’ HOPKINS

BEACH PARTY

WILD IN THE STREETS

JAILHOUSE ROCK

IT’S A BIKINI WORLD

A HARD DAY’S NIGHT

BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS

JIMI HENDRIX: ELECTRIC CHURCH

THE GIRL CAN’T HELP IT

HAVING A WILD WEEKEND

HEAD

KID GALAHAD