Confessions of a TV Addict #12: An Appreciation of Ken Berry


I’ve always said if Ken Berry had been born a bit earlier, he would have taken up the mantle of song-and-dance masters Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly in films. But Berry, who died this past weekend at age 85, came up at a time when Hollywood musicals were, if not dying, definitely on life support. Berry had his greatest success in the world of TV sitcoms, though he did find opportunities to display his dancing skills in variety shows of the era.

Moline, IL born Ken won a talent contest at age 15 and toured with popular Big Band leader Horace Heidt’s Youth Opportunity Program. Joining the Army after high school, he was assigned to Special Services to entertain the troops. His sergeant encouraged Ken to head to Hollywood after his hitch was over. The sergeant’s name: Leonard Nimoy ! Ken begun his professional show biz career as a Universal contract player, though he didn’t get in any films. Instead, he wound up working in Vegas as part of Abbott & Costello’s revue. Small television parts followed: a stint as Woody the bellhop on THE ANN SOUTHERN SHOW, comic relief Dr. Kapish on DR. KILDARE. A pair of episodes on THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW as choreographer Tony Daniels allowed Ken to show off those song-and-dance skills, but it looked like he’d be forever relegated to second string before a fateful call in 1965 changed his life.

That call was for the role of Captain Wilton Parmenter on F TROOP (1965-67), casting Ken as the bumbling, klutzy, accidental Medal of Honor winner who’s sent to command Fort Courage in the wild and wooly West. Berry’s dance training came in handy as Parmenter, who was forever stumbling about – he could take a pratfall with the best of ’em! F TROOP is slapstick farce at it’s best, definitely not politically correct, and still one of my favorite sitcoms. Veterans Forrest Tucker and Larry Storch costarred as Sgt. O’Rourke and Cpl. Agarn, a pair of hustlers grateful to have the clueless Captain around so they can continue their money-generating O’Rourke Enterprises. 16-year-old (at the time) Melody Patterson played Berry’s love interest, the feisty cowgirl Wrangler Jane, who was definitely the aggressor in their relationship. Frank De Kova was Chief Wild Eagle, leader of the friendly Hewkawi tribe (as in “Where the Heck Are We”), co-conspirator in O’Rourke’s schemes.

The spoofs ran wild and the series featured a host of familiar TV guests: Milton Berle , Jack Elam , Bernard Fox, Harvey Korman , Paul Lynde, Julie Newmar, Don Rickles (as Wild Eagle’s renegade son, Bald Eagle!). Even Vincent Price showed up as an ersatz bloodsucker in the horror lampoon “V is for Vampire”! Ken Berry more than held his own amid all the anachronistic jokes (a rock band in the Wild West?), catchphrases, sight gags, loony supporting cast (including Western vet Bob Steele as Trooper Duffy, last survivor of the Alamo!), and the manic antics of Storch as the dimwitted Agarn. His Captain Parmenter was the Krazy Glue that held the whole thing together.

Next up , Ken moved from the Wild West to a much more sedate setting: Mayberry. Berry’s character, widowed farmer Sam Jones, had been introduced in the final season of THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW , and was poised to star in the spinoff, MAYBERRY RFD. Griffith had tired of the weekly sitcom grind after eight years, but didn’t want to give up his cash cow completely. In contrast to the bumbling Parmenter, Sam Jones was the moral center of this new show. Mayberry denizens Jack Dodson (Howard), George Lindsey (Goober), and Paul Hartman (Emmett) provided continuity, as did Frances Bavier’s Aunt Bee for the first season, replaced by Alice Ghostley as Sam’s Cousin Alice. MAYBERRY RFD ran three seasons and was still in the ratings Top 20 when it was cancelled along with several other ‘country’-themed programs ( THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES, GREEN ACRES, HEE HAW ) in 1971 during CBS’s “rural purge”, as the network sought a younger, more urban demographic.

Ken survived the “purge” and became a frequent guest on variety shows, even hosting his own brief summer replacement series THE KEN BERRY WOW SHOW in 1972 (featuring a young comic named Steve Martin). He made nineteen appearances on Carol Burnett’s hit series, and made the rounds of THE LOVE BOAT and FANTASY ISLAND. He returned to weekly TV in Burnett’s own spinoff show MAMA’S FAMILY (1983-4; 86-90), based on the popular skits about the Bible-belt Harper family. Vicki Lawrence reprised her role as sassy matriarch Thelma Harper, and Ken was cast as her somewhat dopey son Vinton, whose “tramp” wife Naomi (Dorothy Lyman) was the constant butt of Mama’s wrath. The series ran for a year on NBC, then was revived in syndication, where it achieved it’s greatest popularity.

Berry never made the leap to feature film star, though he did headline a pair of 70’s Disney family comedies, HERBIE RIDES AGAIN and THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE. While never achieving superstar status, Ken Berry was a reliable performer, a likeable presence who always gave his all in whatever the part called for. Even though his first true show biz love was as a song-and-dance man, starring in three hit sitcoms over three decades is certainly nothing to sneeze at! F TROOP alone would have cemented his legacy among sitcom aficionados. Thanks for the laughs and Godspeed, Captain Parmenter.

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Confessions of a TV Addict #11: The Small Screen Adventures of Larry Cohen!


I was a Larry Cohen fan before I even knew there was a Larry Cohen! Before IT’S ALIVE! , before  BLACK CAESAR , I was watching the following Cohen Creations on my parents big, bulky TV console:

BRANDED (ABC 1965) – Cohen’s first series as creator debuted as a midseason replacement for Bill Dana’s failed sitcom. THE RIFLEMAN’s Chuck Connors  returned to TV as Jason McCord, a disgraced Cavalry officer court martialed and drummed out of the service after being falsely accused of cowardice. McCord then wanders the West getting involved in a new adventure every week while trying to clear his name. Viewers welcomed Connors back to the small screen, and the half-hour black and white Western was renewed for a full season – this time “in living color”! The show featured a memorable opening theme song by Dominic Frontiere and Alan Arch…

… unfortunately, Jason McCord never did get to clear his name, as the show was sent scampering away by ratings juggernauts THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW and THE FBI. BRANDED can be viewed Saturday afternoons on the INSP Network’s Western lineup, and still holds up well today!

BLUE LIGHT (ABC 1966) – Spies were the “in” thing, and this half-hour World War II drama cast deep-voiced singer Robert Goulet as David March, a traitorous American journalist now working for the Nazi propaganda machine – only he’s really a double agent working for the Allies undercover in a project called  “Code: Blue Light”! All his fellow spies have been discovered and assassinated, and now March is pretty much on his own, trying to maintain his cover and do what he must without getting killed himself. French actress Christine Carere costarred as French underground agent Suzanne Duchard, under deep cover as a member of the Gestapo. and one of only a handful of people who know David’s true identity. Larry co-created the series with film director Walter Grauman (LADY IN A CAGE), and BLUE LIGHT was noted for being one of TV’s most violent at the time (are you surprised, with Cohen and Grauman at the helm?). The show was a midseason replacement for Sally Field’s GIDGET, who moved into THE DONNA REED SHOW’s old time slot,  and from what I can remember was pretty darn good, but didn’t catch on and lasted just 17 episodes.

THE LEGEND OF CUSTER (ABC 1967) – Or “Counter-Culture Custer”, in this series “suggested by Larry Cohen”. Young Wayne Maunder, with his long golden locks, starred as young Lt. Col. Custer, in charge of a bunch of misfits and reprobates known as the 7th Cavalry. Custer’s methods were always at odds with his commanding officer General Terry (Robert F. Simon), representing the establishment. Western vet Slim Pickens was cast as scout California Joe to give the series some sagebrush cred, but after 17 episodes CUSTER was defeated, not by the Sioux at Little Big Horn, but by another establishment figure – James Drury’s ratings monster THE VIRGINIAN. As for Maunder, he survived to costar on the Western LANCER for two seasons, the short-lived Jack Webb/Stephen J. Cannell crime drama CHASE, and the Russ Meyer film THE SEVEN MINUTES. Maunder recently passed away on November 11 at age 82.

CORONET BLUE (CBS 1967) – Cohen switched from ABC to CBS for this summer replacement series, which only lasted 13 episodes. The pilot found Frank Converse as a man attacked, drugged, tossed in the river, and left for dead… but lives, and the only thing he remembers is the phrase “Coronet Blue”! The now-amnesiac man assumes the name ‘Michael Alden’ and wanders about seeking to uncover clues to his true identity while trying not to get killed by assassins. This was a good premise, one I really enjoyed, and apparently CBS did too, wanting to renew CORONET BLUE for another season. However, they waited too long, and star Converse had already accepted a part in ABC’s new crime drama NYPD, alongside Jack Warden and Robert Hooks (which as I recall was also pretty damn good!). Oh well, I guess we’ll never find out who ‘Alden’ really was, or who was out to kill him.

THE INVADERS (ABC 1967-69) – This was Larry Cohen at his best, a paranoia-filled science-fiction extravaganza, and one of my favorite shows of the era. Aliens have infiltrated Earth bent on conquering the human race, and architect David Vincent (actor Roy Thinnes) runs around America trying to expose them (they can only be identified by their crooked pinky fingers and a tendency to turn red and disintegrate when killed!), while warning everyone he comes across of impending doom! Yep, it’s another 60’s Cold War allegory, substituting spacemen for Commies, and it clicked with viewers young and old (my Dad loved it!) for different reasons. The kids dug the sci-fi stuff, and THE INVADERS proved a marketing cash cow, with comic books, paperback novels, and even an Aurora plastic model spaceship (just don’t sniff the glue, kiddies!). The series debuted as a midseason replacement for another show Cohen was associated with – THE FUGITIVE, which concluded it’s run when David Janssen finally caught up with that One-Armed Man (Larry had written a couple of early episodes).

Larry Cohen soon moved to feature films, and his singular, somewhat loopy  vision has kept fans like me happy for decades. But don’t discount his TV efforts, many of which are available on YouTube and DVD collections. Catch them when you can, they’re a blast!

Confessions of a TV Addict #10: Neil Simons’ Greatest Hit THE ODD COUPLE Will Endure


When Neil Simon passed away this weekend at age 91, the world lost one of the 20th Century’s greatest comedy minds. Simon got his start writing for radio along with brother Danny Simon, and the pair soon moved into the then-new medium of television, hired by producer Max Leibman for the staff of YOUR SHOW OF SHOWS starring Sid Caesar, Imogene Coca, Carl Reiner, and Howard Morris. This seminal variety show ran from 1950-54 and featured the talented comedy minds of writers Mel Brooks , Selma Diamond, Mel Tolkin, and Reiner on its staff. The Simons siblings moved to Caesar’s next venture CAESAR’S HOUR (1954-56) along with most of the writing staff, joined by newcomers Larry Gelbart and Aaron Ruben .

The Simons joined the staff of THE PHIL SILVERS SHOW (1955-59) for its final season, chronicling the escapades of con artist Sgt. Bilko. During this time, Neil began working on a semi-autobiographical play that became COME BLOW YOUR HORN. First produced in 1961, the play was a Broadway smash, and Simon was soon The Great White Way’s most celebrated playwright. He won his first Tony Award in 1965 for THE ODD COUPLE, and it’s this work that’s become his most enduring, with numerous adaptations in all media, including television, where we’ll focus.

The original stage production starred Art Carney as fussy Felix Unger and Walter Matthau as sloppy Oscar Madison, who reprised the role in the 1968 film version opposite Jack Lemmon as Felix. But when Paramount introduced their sitcom adaptation in 1970, they struck comedy gold by casting Tony Randall as Felix and Jack Klugman as Oscar. Randall was well-known for his comic chops, but Klugman was a revelation. Mostly known for his dramatic roles in film (12 ANGRY MEN) and television (including four episodes of THE TWILIGHT ZONE), Klugman had taken over the part of Oscar on Broadway and made it his own. The chemistry between Randall and Klugman was comedic dynamite, and the two actors began a lifelong friendship.

There were some minor changes made (for instance, Felix is now a photographer), but the basic premise remains. Neat freak Felix is thrown out by his wife Gloria and moves in with his messy, recently divorced pal Oscar. The pair constantly drive each other nuts with their opposite personalities. Felix is a bundle of neurosis, a confirmed hypochondriac (Randall’s “honking” allergy fits are classic!), and pines to return to Gloria. Oscar fancies himself a ‘ladies’ man’ despite his slovenly appearance, loves his poker games (which Felix always manages to foul up), and has a love/hate relationship with ex-wife Blanche (who’s portrayed by Klugman’s real-life spouse Bret Somers). Felix is the yin to Oscar’s yang, which sets the stage for hilarity during the show’s five-year, 114 episode run.

The series really hit its stride in Season 3 with some truly classic episodes. “Big Mouth” pits sportswriter Oscar against MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL anchor (and notorious curmudgeon) Howard Cosell, “Password” features Felix and Oscar on the TV game show hosted by Allan Ludden (with Ludden’s wife Betty White on the opposing team), “I Gotta Be Me” finds the mismatched roommates entering group therapy. My favorite is “My Strife in Court”, with the duo mistakenly arrested for ticket scalping, and this classic bit played to perfection by Randall:

THE ODD COUPLE has gone through many permutations over the years: a Saturday morning cartoon, a short-lived African-American version starring Ron Glass (BARNEY MILLER) as Felix and Demond Wilson (SANFORD & SON) as Oscar, a Simon-written female take on the characters, and the recent CBS series that was half good (Thomas Lennon’s Felix) and half not-so-much (Matthew Perry’s Oscar). Many cite Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau in the film version as the ultimate Felix and Oscar, but far as I’m concerned nobody played the characters better than Tony Randall and Jack Klugman in one of the funniest sitcoms television has ever produced.

RIP Neil Simon (1927-2018)

Confessions of a TV Addict #9: The Amazing Sci-Fi Worlds of Irwin Allen Pt. 2

Last week, I did an overview of producer Irwin Allen’s first two sci-fi shows, VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA and LOST IN SPACE. Today, Allen’s final shows in the quartet, THE TIME TUNNEL and LAND OF THE GIANTS! 

Where Allen’s LOST IN SPACE was juvenile fantasy, his next series THE TIME TUNNEL (ABC, 1966-67) took a more serious tone. Scientists Dr. Doug Phillips (Robert Colbert ) and Dr. Tony Newman (James Darren), working on the top-secret government Project Tic-Toc, become “lost in the swirling maze of past and future ages… (and) tumble helplessly toward a new fantastic adventure, somewhere along the infinite corridors of time” (at least according to the opening narration!). Project director Lt. Gen. Kirk (Whit Bissell ), ‘electrobiologist’ Dr. Ann McGregor (Lee Meriwether), and electronic genius Dr. Raymond Swain (John Zaremba) track the pair through those “infinite corridors” and try to assist in navigating them home safely.

The handsome Colbert was the more level-headed of the two, but teen idol James Darren, with his cool green turtleneck sweater, was the one that set young audience’s hearts a-flutter. Darren, who played Moondoggie in the GIDGET films and scored a few hit records in the early 60’s (“Goodbye, Cruel World”, “Her Royal Majesty”), was the hot-head who got them trapped in time in the first place, impulsively trying to prove to a visiting senator (guest star Gary Merrill) the project was successful in the series’ first episode. While Colbert never quite made star status (though he later had a long run on the soap THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS), Darren went on to a long career, appearing in Jess Franco’s erotic nightmare VENUS IN FURS, as Jim Corrigan opposite William Shatner’s TJ HOOKER, the hologram lounge singer Vic Fontaine on STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE, and as a director in episodic TV.

Doug and Tony’s travels through time took them to famous dates in history like the sinking of the Titanic (with guest Michael Rennie as the ship’s captain), Pearl Harbor, the War of 1812 (Carroll O’Connor plays a dual role), Custer’s Last Stand, the French Revolution, the battle of the Alamo (DALLAS patriarch Jim Davis as Jim Bowie), an encounter with Billy the Kid (Robert Walker Jr), and plenty of stock footage from the 20th Century-Fox vaults. They also moved forward in time on a mission to Mars, the year 8433, and smack dab in then middle of the great alien invasion of 1978! THE TIME TUNNEL was a hit, and scheduled for a second season, until a regime change at ABC caused it to be cancelled in favor of THE LEGEND OF CUSTER – a series that barely made it through half a season!

Allen bounced back with LAND OF THE GIANTS (ABC, 1968-70), a fantasy adventure that found the sub-orbital spacecraft Spindrift caught in a space warp and transported to a planet where everything is twelve times the size of Earth! The stranded crew featured Gary Conway (of I WAS A TEENAGE FRANKENSTEIN fame) as Captain Steve Burton, with Don Matheson, Deanna Lund, Heather Young, and Don Marshall, the first black male actor to costar in a sci-fi series. Also on board were Stefan Arngrim as young Barry (with his faithful canine companion Chipper), and “Special Guest Star” Kurt Kasznar as on the lam bank robber Alexander Fitzhugh. Kasznar’s character was modeled somewhat on Jonathan Harris’s Dr. Smith of LOST IN SPACE, right down to the relationship between Fitzhugh and Barry.

This was Allen’s most expensive series, but there was still lots of stock footage between all those giant-sized props. The Liliputian members of the Spindrift encountered perils around every corner, as well as a slew of Familiar Faces: Jack Albertson, Richard Anderson , Michael Ansara, John Carradine , Broderick Crawford , Bruce Dern , Sam Elliott, Paul Fix, Ronny Howard , John Marley, boxer Sugar Ray Robinson, and William Schallert . Robert Colbert and Lee Meriwether from THE TIME TUNNEL showed up in different episodes (and as different characters), as did Jonathan Harris. Kevin Hagen appeared from time to time as Inspector Kobick of the Special Investigations Department, hunting down our pint-sized heroes.

After LAND OF THE GIANTS was cancelled, Irwin Allen returned to the big screen and became The Master of Disaster Movies , but for six years he ruled the airwaves with his sci-fi/fantasy shows. Since then, LOST IN SPACE has been rebooted as a feature film and a Netflix series, but neither captures the charm of Allen’s goofy original. All his 60’s sci-fi series are sterling examples of what can be accomplished with a small TV budget, solid acting, and a whole lot of chutzpah!

More CONFESSIONS OF A TV ADDICT:

It’s a Bird… It’s a Plane.. No, It’s CAPTAIN NICE  – A Fan’s Appreciation of Adam West  – The Marvel Super Heroes Have Arrived!  – How TURN-ON Got Turned-Off  – Aaron Ruben, Man Behind the Laughter  – Justin Wilson “Guar-On-Tees” You’ll Have a Happy Mardi Gras!  – TJ HOOKER and His Amazing Hair Helmet!  – The Amazing Sci-Fi Worlds of Irwin Allen Pt. 1

 

Confessions of a TV Addict #8: The Amazing Sci-Fi Worlds of Irwin Allen Pt. 1

Irwin Allen  (1916-1991) wore many different hats during his long career: magazine editor, gossip columnist, documentarian, producer, director. He helped usher in the Age of the Disaster Movie with such 70’s hits as THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE and THE TOWERING INFERNO, but before that he was best known as the producer of a quartet of sci-fi series from the Swingin’ 60’s. From 1964 to 1970 he had at least one sci-fi show airing in prime time… during the 1966-67 season, he had three, all complete with cheezy-looking monsters, campy humor, stock footage, guest stars (some on their way up… some down!), special effects by Oscar winner L.B. Abbott, and music by John Williams (who later scored a little thing called STAR WARS )! Here’s a look at the Amazing Sci-Fi Worlds of Irwin Allen:

Allen’s first foray into sci-fi TV was VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA (ABC, 1964-68), based on his hit 1961 film. Richard Basehart starred as Admiral Nelson, head of the Nelson Institute of Marine Research, in charge of the nuclear-powered sub Seaview, with David Hedison as Commander Crane. The first season was more a straightforward adventure series, filmed in black and white, with Nelson and his crew up against many Cold War threats. From the second season on, now in color, the Seaview began battling more outre’ enemies: aliens, giant sea monsters, even werewolves became the norm!

The series started to introduce futuristic gadgets like the Flying Sub, compete with laser beam, to confront these new monsters-of-the-week. The 1966 debut of BATMAN ramped up the camp quotient a few notches, as the plots got more and more out there. Among the many guest stars featured in the course of the series were Nick Adams , Eddie Albert , Edgar Bergen (without Charlie McCarthy), James Brolin (pre-stardom and Streisand), John Cassavetes, Michael Dunn (diminutive Dr. Loveless of THE WILD WILD WEST), Jill Ireland, Leslie Neilsen, and Vincent Price as a mad puppeteer out to take over the Seaview!

Space Family Robinson (back row, from left) Angela Cartwright, Mark Goddard, Marta Kristen, The Robot, Jonathan Harris, Guy Williams (front row) June Lockhart, Billy Mumy)

Next up for Allen was LOST IN SPACE (CBS, 1965-68), a take on Swiss Family Robinson set in outer space. The Jupiter-2, due in large part to sabotage by stowaway foreign agent Dr. Zachary Smith, hits a meteor storm and veers off course from its destination Alpha Centauri, causing the Robinson family and crew to become hopelessly lost in space (hence the series title). The cast consisted of TV veterans Guy Williams as Prof. John Robinson (ZORRO), June Lockhart as wife Maureen (LASSIE), Mark Goodard as pilot Maj. Don West (THE DETECTIVES), Angela Cartwright as youngest daughter Penny (MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY), and Billy Mumy as ten-year-old Will (practically every TV show made calling for a precocious kid!). Marta Kristen (Lorelei the mermaid in BEACH BLANKET BINGO ) played eldest child Judy, who served as Major West’s love interest.

Jonathan Harris (the TV version of THE THIRD MAN) received “Special Guest Star” billing as the nefarious Dr. Smith, and at first played him as a straight villain. The character was not originally intended to last the entire series run, but Harris, with Allen’s blessings, began to tweak the role, rewriting his dialog to turn Smith into something completely different than originally intended, a comically cowardly character who managed to create chaos wherever he went. Dr. Smith became pals with young Will, though their roles were reversed, as the boy was much more mature than the older doctor!

Dr. Smith  was constantly at odds with The Robot (Bob May inside the suit, Dick Tufeld providing the voice), another popular character on the show (“Warning! Warning! Danger, Will Robinson!”), berating the mechanical marvel with sobriquets like “You blithering booby” and “You cackling cacophony”. Harris’s portrayal, relationships with Will and The Robot, and catch phrases (“Oh, the pain!”, “IN-deed!”), helped turned the show from straight sci-fi to high-camp fantasy, with the plots getting more and more ridiculous during the series’ three year run. The Robinson family, thanks to Smith’s blundering, encountered space pirates, circuses, cowboys, and Vikings, an intergalactic collector (Michael Rennie of THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL in a two-parter), a “devilish” alien (Gerald Mohr), a cosmic toymaker (Walter Burke), a band of far-out hippies (twice!), and sentient vegetables!

Plots from films and fables past were recycled and adapted for the show: the legend of King Arthur, Sleeping Beauty, THE THIEF OF BAGDAD , FANTASTIC VOYAGE, THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME, GULLIVER’S TRAVELS. My favorite episode was a unique original titled “Visit to a Hostile Planet”, where the Jupiter-2 gets trapped in a time/space warp and returns to Earth – but it’s the Earth of 1947, and the small town population they land near thinks they’re being invaded by aliens! LOST IN SPACE enjoyed a long run in syndication after being cancelled by CBS, making it Allen’s most popular (and profitable!) space series.

Next week, part 2 of The Amazing Sci-Fi Worlds of Irwin Allen, spotlighting THE TIME TUNNEL and LAND OF THE GIANTS!

Confessions of a TV Addict #7: TJ HOOKER and His Amazing Hair Helmet!

TV Cop Shows ran rampant during the 1980’s. There were gritty street cops, female cops, Dirty Harry-inspired cops, MTV cops, debonair cops, teenage cops, and every other permutation you could think of, short of outer space cops. But for Cops With The Best Hair, it has to be… no, not CHARLIE’S ANGELS, but TJ HOOKER!

TJ HOOKER starred William Shatner (which kind of makes this a semi-outer space cop show, no?) as Hooker, a veteran on the LCPD (standing in for Los Angeles) who serves as mentor to the younger cops. Shatner, who by this time was, shall we say, follically challenged, wore a perm-coiffed toupee which never got mussed no matter how many times he ran down bad guys, got in hellacious fights, or got it tousled by his latest love interest:

As Warren Zevon would say, “His hair was perfect”!

Also with perfect hair was costar Adrian Zmed as Officer Vince Romano, Hooker’s young partner:

Zmed, the immortal star of GREASE 2, also went through the series without a single hair out-of-place, as did former teen idol James Darren, who joined the cast in season two as another veteran cop, Jim Corrigan:

Then there’s 80’s babe Heather Locklear as Stacy Sheridan, a rookie cop with long blonde locks who must’ve hired an army of stylists to keep up with the gelled and blow dried perfection of Shatner and company:

Even Richard Herd, who played LCPD Captain (and Stacy’s dad) Dennis Sheridan, had better hair than the usual police bosses of the era:

The show itself (which ran from 1982-86) is pretty cheezy, with plenty of cool 80’s background music (dig those synthesized drums!), sex and violence, and the brilliant emoting of Our Man Shatner! Plus, all that gorgeous 80’s hair! I occasionally catch TJ HOOKER weeknights at 10:00EST on the FETV (Family Entertainment) network (DirecTV Ch. 323). It’s the perfect way to end the day by shutting your mind off for an hour, indulging in a big hunk of 80’s cheese, and of course enjoying those Amazing Hair Helmets!

More ‘Confessions of a TV Addict’:

It’s a Bird… It’s a Plane… No, It’s CAPTAIN NICE

A Fan’s Appreciation of Adam West

The Marvel Super Heroes Have Arrived!

How TURN-ON Got Turned-Off

Aaron Ruben, Man Behind the Laughter

Justin Wilson “Guar-On-Tees” You’ll Have a Happy Mardi Gras!

American Idol: RIP Bruno Sammartino

Bruno Sammartino, who passed away yesterday at age 82, wasn’t just a professional wrestler. He was an institution, an icon, a true American Dream success story, a hero to millions of kids now “of a certain age” (like me), and the biggest box-office star of his era, selling out New York’s fabled Madison Square Garden a record 187 times. He held the WWWF (now WWE) Heavyweight championship for close to twelve years during his two title reigns, facing the best in the business and vanquishing them all. Face it, Bruno was THE MAN!

The Man himself was born in Italy in 1935, and as a child hid from the Nazis in the Italian mountains. Coming to America in 1950 and settling in Pittsburgh,  Bruno was a sickly, scrawny child who couldn’t speak English, and was bullied in school. This caused the young lad to begin working out with weights, and by 1959 he set a world record in the bench press hefting 565 pounds, a record that stood for eight years. Bruno began performing feats of strength in his hometown, and soon a wrestling promoter offered him a chance to make some money in the squared circle.

Beating Buddy Rogers in 1963

Sammartino wasn’t a great technical wrestler; he was a brawler and a bruiser whose matches were usually won with his devastating bearhug hold. Wrestlers at the time were marketed towards local working class ethnic groups, and Bruno became a hit in Italian strongholds like Pittsburgh, Boston, and New York/New Jersey. New York promoter Vincent J. McMahon (father of current WWE chairman Vincent K.) was about to form his own East Coast alliance called the World Wide Wrestling Federation, and he knew a good thing when he saw it. Naming “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers his first champ, he set up a match between the arrogant heel and the popular Sammartino, and Bruno won the belt on May 17, 1963 in 48 seconds! The rumor is Rogers had suffered a heart attack the week before and needed to retire, and some backstage shenanigans involving the athletic commission doctors allowed the “Nature Boy” to pass a quick physical that night so the belt could be put on Bruno.

Verses the evil Killer Kowalski

Shenanigans or not, Bruno faced all the top heels in the game during his initial seven-plus year run. “Bad guys” like The Shiek, Ernie “The Cat” Ladd, Freddie Blassie, Gorilla Monsoon, Professor Toru Tanaka, and Killer Kowalski tried and failed to wrest the crown from Bruno. My Portuguese grandmother (‘vovo’) used to get real heated whenever Kowalski came on the television – I can’t describe how shocked I was as a kid to hear my sweet little Vovo yelling, “You dirty son of a bitch!” at Kowlaski’s dastardly deeds on the TV set!

Eventually, Bruno tired of the travel schedule, and dropped the strap to Ivan Koloff in 1971 (who in turn lost to Puerto Rican sensation Pedro Morales a month later). The now ex-champ made sporadic appearances here and there, but soon McMahon Sr. came a-calling. Though Morales was a better technical wrestler than Bruno, box office receipts and TV ratings were down, and Sammartino was persuaded to carry the crown again. Pedro lost to Stan “The Man” Stasiak (‘Master of the Heart Punch’), and a month later Bruno beat Stan, once again lighting up the ratings and box office for another three-plus years, battling villains like George “The Animal” Steel, Ken Patera, Nikolai Volkoff, Stan Hansen, and the hated Kowalski, finally relinquishing the title to “cool” heel Superstar Billy Graham (who, as we all could plainly see, had his feet on the ropes for leverage!).

But Bruno didn’t need a title; he was still the top star in wrestling. He headlined everywhere he went, and the fans went wild seeing him beat the crap out of his opponents. I remember a 1980 card at the old Boston Garden pitting Bruno against his protégé Larry Zbysko, now a hated heel for turning on our hero. The two brawled for an eternity, both men a bloody mess before Sammartino gained the victory, and the crowd went berserk! Yeah, we knew by then it was fake, but damn, it sure was a lot of fun! (For those of you interested, also on the card were The Wild Samoans, Gorilla Monsoon, Pat Patterson, Baron Mikel Scicluna, and “The Duke of Dorchester” Pete Doherty!)

 

Bruno was now called “The Living Legend”, an appropriate title if there ever was one. He became a color commentator alongside Vince McMahon Jr. after the son bought the company from his father, but still wrestled on occasion. He participated in the first two Wrestlemanias, and feuded with “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Macho Man” Randy Savage. But Bruno didn’t like the cartoonish direction the younger McMahon was taking the company, nor the rampant use of steroids, and departed acrimoniously in 1987. Things between Sammartino and the now-WWE remained bitter until 2013, when Paul “Triple H” Levesque pleaded with him to bury the hatchet, and Bruno Sammartino was finally awarded his proper place in the WWE Hall of Fame, inducted by his friend Arnold Schwarzenegger. But like every warrior, even the mighty Sammartino could not defeat Father Time. He leaves behind his wife of 59 years Carol, three sons, four grandchildren, and many beloved memories for his fans.

I recall an old issue of Sports Illustrated that had a piece on Bruno’s phenomenal popularity, the first wrestler ever to be profiled by the magazine. In the story, an elderly female fan was interviewed. On her wall, there were three pictures. On the left, John F. Kennedy, on the right, Pope Paul. And the man holding the prestigious spot in the middle… Bruno Sammartino. Holy Trinity, indeed. Godspeed, Bruno.